Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.

Deport Every Politician Thwarting Obama on Iran

by Mick Zano • February 14, 2014

You think that’s bad? Initially I was going with drone strikes. The list of our-dangerously-incomptent-politicians-who-we-must-run-out-of-office has changed. Instead of identifying them via their support for Sarah Palin, we need to switch to all those elected officials derailing our current peace talks with Iran, D or R. Please turn in your flag lapel pins and all those donations acquired illegally before your car is towed.

I am not sure these talks with Iran will net anything either, but to jump directly to an estimated 9-trillion dollar unwinnable war without even trying diplomacy first is insane—even by republican standards.

“We tried nothing and we’re out of options…Bomb!”

—John Q. Republican

In light of recent Middle Eastern military campaigns, to skip diplomacy is another stunning republican position (SRP). That’s all they seem to bleeping have these days. Why is reality such a tough concept for this bunch? Hey, let’s repeal Obamacare again.

“To say The GOP is a one trick pony, implies the one trick actually works.”

—Mick Zano

Here’s a Venn diagram that should explain everything:

Democrat, Reality Republican Venn diagram

Even if republicans think they have a valid point regarding our economy, which is a stretch, I don’t get how they can chime in on foreign affairs with a straight face. To make matters worse, 26 Dems in congress initially broke from the president and called for increased sanctions on Iran. This week, not to be outdone, forty republican senators are pushing for increased sanctions as well—and they want them to start during the State Department’s preliminary deal. What?! You can’t be even less insightful than the last time I posted, you can’t!

The GOP has based their entire foreign policy strategy off a variation of the hairdresser’s code of Rinse, Lather, Repeat:

Juan Cole has a must read post over at his Informed Comment: The 10 Reasons Americans will Regret if Republicans Derails Iran Negotiations.

“It is absolutely outrageous and very rare that Congress would interfere in diplomatic negotiations of the president. They let Bush go around invading countries but won’t let Obama try to forestall a war.”

—Juan Cole

I also agree with Juan in that a war may well trigger another economic collapse, a game ending one. The word “treason” comes to mind. It comes to mind a lot lately. Patriots for Treason? Don’t Drudge on Me? Fine, I’ll work on that one.

How can the people who brought us Bush be allowed to do this? Wasn’t there an election or something? If you don’t understand what Obama’s doing, that’s okay, you don’t understand anything anyway! So relax.

And I didn’t order the fractured Democratic Party or the side order of crazy bread. I know some of you red state Dems are trying to fit a square state into a round Fox hole, but you were elected to do the right [as in “correct”] thing, which in this case means let the maestro work. So if you have a D in front of your name, please purge the propaganda (PPP). I expect the wrong answer from the right, but not from you (hint: it helps me get stuff right).

Just a few weeks ago, optimism was on the rise—at least as far as Obama’s foreign policy legacy was concerned—but now all bets are off as Syria is emboldened, in part because we can’t get our collective shit together. Now talks with both Iran and Syria are straining like Palin on a colonial history pop quiz.

Meanwhile:

“I think that we should proceed with sanctions so that the Iranians know that this is not an American deal with them … this is a Kerry/Obama deal with them and that the rest of Congress is not behind them.”

–GOP congressman (R-CA), Duncan Hunter.

Hunter Deported to Sweden, Claims He’s Not From There. What movie?

This man is not a fringe character, he was in the republican primaries a few years back. I remember listening to his version of foreign policy issues back then, thinking, wow, how does someone manage to seem even less insightful than other republicans? Oh, wait, that was his dad. I guess the ACORN doesn’t fall from the Tea.

Many on the right now believe the wars and the state of the Middle East is predominately Obama’s fault. I can’t make this up; they really think that. I like Kaplan’s response in Obama Isn’t Disengaged from the World:

“If only he’d kept a few thousand troops in Iraq and made an open-ended commitment to Afghanistan, they claim, the insurgents would be cowed, the central governments would be stable, and the people would be prosperous and secure. To believe these claims requires a twisted view of the two wars and a deep misunderstanding of power in the modern world.”

—Fred Kaplan

What it really is, is the republican’s ongoing disengagement from reality. This is what I blog about, because unlike what they blog about, it tends to be relevant. You folks need to remember the context; I watched a president do everything wrong for eight years, and I knew it at the time. Now I’m watching a president, who I voted for, struggle to do what’s right and the same people want us to jump the shark again. Give it rest, people. Tell you what, if you win the presidency in 2016, you can end the world then. Deal?

More people are identifying the deep delusional state of our GOP, but will having a handful more journalists figure this shit out really matter in the long run? I encourage any voter considering a Republican for office to first consider just how radical they have become. Believe me, they’re not your grandfather’s Republican Party…well, they are a lot like his last few years when he kept putting his keys in the toaster.

by Mick Zano • February 9, 2014

Reaganomics: Don't Let an Economist Tell You Different

by Mick Zano • February 7, 2014

by Mick Zano • February 6, 2014

For this investigation I was forced to go it alone. The Hotel Congress wasn’t my first accommodation choice, as anything called Congress evokes a visceral response from me. In fact, while I was there I found myself strangely unable to pass anything, even with the aid of high fiber cereals.

Tucson is where even tumbleweeds go to die. It’s so far west Horace Greeley even said, “I didn’t mean this far west, young man.” Tucson has three major historical periods, which can be summarized briefly as:

1. Agricultural Native American settlements.

2. Spanish explorers looking for gold.

3. Brewpubs.

Ok, ok…I failed history. But the Hotel Congress is pretty sweet. It’s the typical historic Arizona hotel, no elevators, no televisions, no room service—not too dissimilar from the Monte V. in Flagstaff, the Hotel St. Michael in Prescott or the Copper Queen in Bisbee. But don’t let the historic part fool you, these places rock. My Monte V. ghost story here. Speaking of the Monte V, there’s some kind of direct time portal between these two old western hotels.

Not convinced? Each morning I ran into a Flagstaffer in the lobby. No shit.

Day one: Scott Heinonen (the owner of the Tinderbox/Annex).

Day two: Glenn (one of the main baristas over at Macy’s coffeehouse).

Day three: A little old lady from Flagstaff. Her friend might have been from Pasadena.

I picked the Congress because it lies in historic Tucson, right in the thick of things, and it is also known to be quite haunted. Shortly after checking in I hit Tiger’s taproom to unwind, at least I think it’s Tiger’s. It’s written in a blue neon script so it could be Lieger’s for all I know.

Hey, I don’t get paid to research this stuff! Anyway, check out this important historical picture!

The very spot where John Dillinger was captured

Well, it would be the very spot, had I booked the right room. But this IS the very spot—about ten rooms or so down the hall. Look, I’m not a planner, okay! The place was booked solid. I’m still at Lieger’s with some wicked Congress constipation, so cut me some slack!

Then something incredibly strange happened. My laptop unplugged of its own….wait for it…accord. I was not moving at all when this happened. I thought, “OMG! Something is finally happening!!!” Then, over the course of the next few days, I realized just how incredibly loose all the electrical sockets were. In fact, I think it would take the aid of a ghost to actually hold any plugs in place. So much as a sneeze and they’d drop to the floor like The Ghetto Shaman at last call.

Undeterred, I started interviewing the staff. The receptionist, Clair, had the best story to tell. Unfortunately it was not a firsthand account, but apparently one of the cooks had recently told her he arrived early for work one morning only to be greeted by a blood curdling scream from an empty walk-in cooler. My theory? They had run out of beer. Briefly, I believe ghosts require ectopilsner, an as yet undiscovered substance that helps ghosts manifest from beer. Full explanation in my Colorado ghost investigations (Durango here).

Still not buying it? I focused my investigation on the four bars on the ground floor of the hotel and, yep, someone was hanging around other than me:

I also brought some bait into my room in the form of a cask conditioned Iron Maiden ale. What? Huh? Whaa?

Look, do the math. This is a rock bar and ghosts need the energy from beer to manifest. I figured any ghosts who stuck around this joint might be extra enticed by some rock-n-roll libations. So with my limited edition bait in place…

Here’s what showed up right above it! And they call me mad, just because of the pile of fresh corpses in my basement. Ok, the orb is kind of faint and blends in with the wall, but at least this ghost can accessorize. After drinking the Iron Maiden beer I concluded that…well, take it away, Georgio.

All hell broke loose during my last night at the hotel. I think it was some kind of a techno-DJ night. I felt like I was stopped south side at a traffic light all night—a real wall rattler. Anyway, besides that, something truly intriguing happened. The video below is perhaps one of the most startling pieces of paranormal activity ever captured on film…at least by a spoof ghost investigator (SGI). I will end this post here and let this important evidence speak for itself.

by Mick Zano • February 5, 2014

Have You Spoken to Your Kids About Benghazi?

by Mick Zano • February 1, 2014

Kidding! There are dozens.

by Mick Zano • January 29, 2014

Rosetta Scandal: Obama’s Blunders Deciphered!

Are you having a hard time deciphering Obama scandals? Are you confused whether or not Obama should be impeached? Can you even keep all of these scandals straight? I have turned all of our 44^th President’s scandals into fun, easily digestible cartoons. So in five minutes you’ll finally understand everything, or your money back!

Fast & Furious

Benghazi

IRS

NSA

Obamacare

A Special Comment:

I realize these are over simplifications, yet they still have more validity than any current GOP witch hunt. If Bush started Fast & Furious in 2006, which evidence suggests, who cares? We had real scandals to cover. If Obama had less embassy bombings than Bush, who cares? Violence in the Middle East? There’s a shock. Besides, Bush had too many such incidents to actually investigate—more of his strategery? And, if the IRS targeted liberal groups under Bush—which happened by the way, full story here—who cares! I don’t think any politically affiliated group should be tax exempt, D or R.

Soooo essentially for Obama’s impeachable offenses, Bush either did it, caused it, or had a higher body count. The ONLY time Obama really messed up was his “you can keep your policy” quote, which happens to be accurate for 96% of Americans. When did Bush ever get a 96? …on ANYTHING?! Certainly not on an IQ test.

Since it’s been so long since a proper presidential scandal occurred, let’s jog some memories, eh.

THESE are REAL scandals. Some are impeachable offenses, others carry the death penalty. And I didn’t have to write cute little cartoons to explain them, nor did I require hundreds of sensational headlines to tease out their meaning. They speak for themselves, loudly…oh, and then they culminated in a global economic collapse.

Why will Obama rank much higher than Bush, historically?

“Recoveries, however anemic, are better than global economic collapses and avoiding a war through diplomacy is always preferable to lying us into one.”

—Mick Zano

Obama is an immeasurably better Commander-in-Chief, as history will eventually attest. What I am angry with Obama about is how he allowed this false reality to fester. That is his only real scandal. And it’s too late now, the damage is done. Our president underestimated the extremism, the obstructionism and the propaganda of the right. I never did, in fact, it’s why I blog.

Most of today’s republicans have no place in Congress or the White House. I’m not sure they should even be able to drive a car, let alone carry a gun. And, regardless of who runs for the Dems in 2016, be it Hillary, be it Warren, be it Janeane friggin’ Garofalo that person has my full support, because the alternative would be…er, take it away Spengler:

Spengler: It would be bad.

Venkman: I’m fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean, “bad”?

Spengler: Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light

…or, if that doesn’t work, just think about Michele Bachmann and a certain red button.

by Mick Zano • January 28, 2014

But why not pyramid shape?

by Mick Zano • January 26, 2014

ObamaCare Unveils New "Fun Size" Healthcare Enrollments

Washington, DC—With Obamacare out of extensions, yet far below enrollment goals, the President announced his strategy to close the gap. Eligibility for full enrollments for the Affordable Care Act ends on March 31^st, but until then all those seeking insurance can also sign up for Obama’s new “fun size” coverage.

Those who sign up in January, will receive an autographed Obama picture and 10% off the penalties associated with the individual mandate. “And if you act now,” said Obama, “The NSA will stop listening in on your conversations for the rest of 2014!”

When cornered, Obama admitted the enrollment is symbolical and is not truly redeemable for any medical or behavioral health coverage, per se, but he urged Americans to have a heart, because the program offers some good piece of mind. “But, remember, the heart and mind aren’t really covered,” said Obama.