Say bye bye to those science guys. A recent poll showed a whopping 94% of all active scientists do not identify themselves as republican. What I want to know is: who is this other 6%? Should we hunt them down and confiscate their Bunsen burners? Step away from that particle accelerator slowly, sir.

Can you be a scientist and live in an alternate anti-science reality?  I guess you can be a quantum libertarian. Wait, I’m being told they broke from republicans too—and then atomized for freedom. Juan Cole found this science poll, here. Juan Poll?

Sure 6% is low, but it still begs the question, how can any remotely scientific-minded individual relate to today’s conservatism? The cognitive dissonance alone would be like sticking Mitch McConnell and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man in a G-Force rotational machine.

…but we should still do that. Please sign the related petition below.

Maybe those few holdouts are just being oppositionally defiant? Or how many just checked the wrong box because they were sexting their hot lab assistants? She texted me with science? Sadly, there are still some smart folks trapped in Fox holes, albeit not many. Once in this alternate reality, we see patterns where none exist, here. It’s like seeing the sailboat in those autostereograms. Stare at Megan Kelly’s legs long enough and you see the sailboat.

Hint of the day: when staring at Megan you will sense the main mast first.

Their propaganda doesn’t seem very convincing to me, but what if you’re only semi-engaged in politics because you’re desperately trying to find an abby normal brain over on the Island of Dr. Moreau? Sometimes scientists are busy people. Maybe they only have Fox News on in the background while they’re reanimating dead flesh.

The new GOP meme has become “I’m not a scientist”, which should be followed by, “But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.”

“The beauty of the line is that it implicitly concedes that scientists possess real expertise, while simultaneously allowing you to ignore that expertise altogether.”

—Jonathon Chait

It’s a wonderful tactic, not that they really need tactics anymore. Fox News has proven people will believe anything and, what’s even more disturbing, those most delusional wrong in the 21^st century feel retractions are passé.

 

“I’m not a scientist. In fact, none of them will even vote for me.”

—John Q. Republican

When you do corner a republican with things called facts, they will inevitably employ one of these tactics: the reversal, e.g.: why are you anti-Sematic? Or, they will cite that one data point, the outlier, that supports their indefensible position. Or, my favorite, fuzzy logic: e.g., what do we really know about anything these days?

This last one is true. Our media sucks, left and right. In 2014 it’s very hard to glean the truth through these ever-thickening agendas, lobbyists and ideologies. But when those scant tidbits of knowledge do sift down to us, how does the GOP utterly misinterpret them every flippin’ time?! Those few shreds of wisdom that emerge through the 21st century cacophony—what few things we can glean—republicans can’t seem to glean!

[Glean Joe Glean joke omitted by the editor]

YES, we know next to nothing about anything, so how is it possible to know even less than that? Hey, this is a hazy crazy time period so let’s abandon history, science, facts, and statistics in favor of something Fox calls: Whatever the hell the Koch Brothers want me to think.

Great idea! And let’s employ this belief system amidst a time of climate change, mass extinctions, and an ever-looming threat of WWIII. Brilliant! How helpful of you. Yeah, all smart people are dumb and having a high IQ is another vast left wing conspiracy. Makes sense. Have you heard of Occam’s Razor? Of course not!

To ignore the perils of our planet in 2014 for a drill-baby-drill mentality is sociopathic and suicidal. Our super capitalists don’t believe in green energies or global warming and our fundamental religious factions don’t believe in evolution. In fact, they recently attacked the host of Cosmos, Neil deGrasse Tyson, because science keeps contradicting The Bible.  They couldn’t attack the theories themselves, so personal attacks would have to suffice. The usual. When Sagan hosted the first Cosmos series, a generation ago, I don’t remember this fundamental backlash. This is another sign of the GOP’s de-evolution.

Evolution…you’re doing it wrong!

“Those creatures who find everyday experience a muddled jumble of events with no predictability, no regularity, are in grave peril. The Universe belongs to those who, at least to some degree, have figured it out.”

—Carl Sagan

So I guess the universe is mine. BOW DOWN BEFORE, ZANO! Meanwhile, with republicans figuring out so little, I guess we should be thankful they’re not beheading us liberals at our town hall meetings.

Or:

This will happen, but unfortunately so will the Rise of Radical Republicanism. Coming soon to a blog post near you.

I hate to pile on the Clinton Administration before it even gets out of the Benghazi-gate, but Hillary is either as clueless as the rest of the chicken-hawk republicans or she’s pandering to a parallel universe in hopes of some votes.  Either way she’s losing me and ‘so goes the Zano so goes the election’. Okay, no one says that.

There’s a reason Hillary’s sinking in the polls. All she needed to do was shut up and assume command in 2016, but she’s showing a huge lack of insight by chiming in.  Anything can and will be used against you. I hoped to find out what an evil clueless hag you are after the election, the way our Founding Fathers intended. My frustration stems from her recent criticism of Obama’s foreign policy, here. You got Iraq wrong, lady. How is fomenting rightwing drivel going to help you or your party in the midterms? You’ve gotten everything wrong in this arena and your ‘solutions’ to the Middle East seem as misguided as the Fox News All Sharts. 

Sorry, but neoconism died. Cheney killed it. He shot it in the face when they were out hunting. Sorry you didn’t get the 17% approval-rating-memo.  Andrew Sullivan is also starting to Hillary bash over on The Dish. He begs the question, is Hillary really any different from McCain on foreign policy? I don’t see much distance either and just when I was starting to get over Managed Care.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the Whitewater?

I think Hillary is actually basing her criticism of Obama on GOP inaccuracies. She’s saying we should have helped the Syrian rebels, many of whom are linked to a variety of terrorist groups. Give me a break. Don’t you get how clustered this whole situation is post Operation Enduring Femdom? Here’s why you’re all wrong.

Obama got the WMDs out of Syria without a land war. Of course, now he has to give them all back to Assad so he can fend off ISIS. Although, they have a weird kind of relationship right now as they both hate the Syrian rebels more than each other…for the moment. And, yes, ISIS is being led by the same people the Bushies sent away when they, in their infinite wisdom, disbanded the Iraqi army—in a county that we never should have invaded in the first place. So is it still Bush’s fault? No. Creating the army we are now fighting by destabilizing the region after you lied us into war is… uh….is not …umm. Yeah, it’s a bit of a stretch to blame Bush (throat clear).

Lest we forget, a McCain or Romney Administration would have already bombed the shit out of Iran, which—if that hadn’t started WWIII—would have forced the U.S. to rebuild and rearm Iran to help keep ISIS in check. They would have called this some very patriotic name like Operation Get the Fuck Back Up, Bitch. Are you following?  Now how to get back the arms back from radicalized Syrian rebels, who the U.S. deemed a terrorist group in 2012? Well, McCain and Hillary would be retrieving these weapons during in Operation Repo Man.

Granted, Obama did cause all of these problems by pulling out of Iraq…er, I mean by following Bush’s Status Force Agreement, complete with a specific Iraq withdrawal date. W wanted this in effect so he could initiate Operate Clear Brush and Paint Shit.  Only by Dec 2011, the time of the withdrawal date, the Iraqi army wasn’t so much standing up as kneeling several times a day to pray to Allah. They would then practice dropping their guns and fleeing, a trick they mastered by the time ISIS, run by their old disenfranchised bosses, returned in 2014. Still with me? Why? I’m just making shit up at this point.

Now, Obama could have reneged and kept helping the Iraqi army for another ten years during Operation Please Stand the F-Up Already MFs! How does Al-Qaeda fit in, you ask? Well, Al-Qaeda in Iraq—who never existed until our invasion—morphed into ISIS with the help of Saddam Hussein’s army. This promoted the advent of a covert Area 51 program called Operation Reanimate Saddam Hussein, wherein it was hoped that Zombie Saddam can re-stabilize Iraq. The Walking Despot?

Or….instead of all that bullshit, you can actually understand that arming radical rebel groups with all of our latest toys, like Reagan did, like both Bushs did, and like Clinton did, is really, really stupid. And maybe, just maybe, the best thing to do is to start the Golf War by pulling out onto the green in your speedy little golf cart while flipping all of you opinionated no-nothings the presidential bird.

More importantly, where was Hillary Clinton the night four Americans died in Benghazi?!

Yeah, it’s complicated and republicans simply aren’t. To say they are delusional is an affront to delusional people. Obama’s approach is essentially correct. We can no longer successfully police the Middle East. If you don’t believe this, you might be a republican. We can’t protect them from themselves. I can’t even entirely blame Bush for that, although you can say he took something hovering around a seven and escalated the situation to an 11. Spinal Crap? Because our foreign policy goes to 11!

I like the idea of arming only the Kurds and if the crazies are bent on killing themselves, we can watch key cities, key resources, key genocides, but beyond that the Middle East is going to play for a while until they finally get it out of their system…or they’re all dead. Their call.  If the fantasy world called the Republican Party takes the helm, we will all look back fondly to the Bush years as everything he did will pale in comparison to their atrocities. The only ones who haven’t noticed how bad they’ve become are themselves. They will continue to base their decisions whether or not to go to war on a delicate blend of Breitbart.com and prejudice, and facts be damned.

So I am starting to think gambling a few percentage points to get an actual human being, like Elizabeth Warren, elected may be worth the risk.  Granted, Hillary did a great job as Secretary of State.

(Collective gasp.)

I realize this is news to our local parallel universe.  You know, the place where Hillary snuck into one of our embassies and, due to some workman’s comp issues, shot four defenseless Americans dead and then burned the place down to cover her tracks.

Benghazi: so many questions….

Lewinsky’s Secret Revealed in Discord Exclusive

…so little relevance.

Actually, it’s been a long time since Hillary murdered Vince Foster so her urge to kill was simply becoming too great. Again, the concern is that a Warren candidacy puts the presidency back into play and there is nothing more important to our collective future than defeating the GOP in 2016. Success for the GOP will mean our swift demise, and I am kind of pulling for a lengthy hops-n-barley filled one. That’s from Reve-libations Ch 1:9.